View from the dining room:

This is my blog. Soon I will reach a milestone of my life, one to be very honest with you I thought I would never reach, I am a short 2 weeks away from my 65th birthday, The day before will be my last day on the job so after 20 plus years of steadily working from home and trying to move on after my career in banking ended. Now this too will be over without any fanfare or tributes just done. Now what do i do? Good question, I have no freaking idea!

The Summer that wasn’t : Summer 2023

In early May I received a surprise. I was expecting something but the size overwhelmed me, for the first time since we moved to Minnesota I was able to pay off most of my debts leaving just a little to help me maintain a healthy credit score. Then I sat down and decided how to manage my newly found wealth. I wanted to go with investments that were not too risky and would leave my initial investment in tac. I also wanted to move on to other projects that would be easy to set up and get to work on right away, or so I thought.

Wardrope Malfunctions can happen to anyone!!! lol

In early August I had to pick up a prescription at Walgreens So I got ready to head out. I had just received a order of new clothes I had lost a little weight and thought I needed some new duds. I ordered a belt too as the one I had was getting a little worn out. On the belt I thought I had ordered the right waist size as it turned out the belt was 3 to 4 inches bigger than what I wore. Getting dressed using a wheelchair often things feel like they are the correct size so when I first went out I had no clue. So, I picked up my prescription at Walgreens and thought I would head over to the Eagles to have a couple of drinks and maybe a bite to eat. When I got there, I noticed that my regular seat I liked was open, so I went over there and climbed up on to it. It was at one of the dry bars that I liked to sit at because it was a high table and got me off of my scooter, it also had a back wall to give me a little stability when I got on or off of the stool. As I climbed on the stool it shifted a little, not much so I thought I would be ok. Sy an older friend of mine who did a lot of little things out at my house for me that I couldn’t do walked in and what he usually does comes over to my table and without asking he sits down and the first thing out of his mouth even before he orders a drink “hey give me a twenty and I’ll go get some pull tabs”. Since I had not been out for a while, I told him I would play a few rounds but if we haven’t won anything by the end of three rounds I was out. So, he goes and gets the pull tabs at the booth. He came back and divided my ten out and his ten and we started opening them. My stool shifted again and this time I needed to stand and pull it closer to me and my scooter as I was putting my feet on the scooter. So, when I stood up I reach for my stool and pulled it closer to me and as I turned and stood up as straight as I could the most embarrassing thing in my life to date happened. My pants my new belt and all dropped to the floor. When it first happened, I even laughed at myself. My knee was killing me so as I leaned over to grab my pants and pull them up and instantly knew that would not work as I couldn’t get them up without losing my balance. From the back a female friend saw what happened and rush over to help me pull up my pants she hesitated a little but I looked at her like this is not the time to be shy just get my pants up so I can at least have a little dignity. By this time a few people notice what was happening and came over to help or at least shield me from the crowd. Thank-God when this happened it was a quiet night at the club and not many people were there, but too me it didn’t matter it still was very embarrassing, and to make matters worse in addition to my belt being 3 or 4 inches too big for me I realize much to my horror that the boxers I was wearing that night was ripped out, when my pants fell to the floor around my ankles I could not see that. It was surely a very laughable even, one that I do not think I will ever be able to live that down.

Jess

A little under nine years ago I met a girl who was a lot younger than me. I was out having dinner by myself at a restaurant that was in the local Holiday Inn, for some reason I can’t remember its name, since then it has been renamed to Willy T’s. The reservation clerk at the front of the restaurant showed me to my table as I sat down, I heard some shouting and that is when I notice in the bar area a young couple on the high tables near the bar. It appeared that the guy was angry with the girl about something since it was none of my business, I tried to ignore them and just go on with my dinner. I bought my daughter out here a few weeks ago for her 21st birthday. we had a wonderful lunch and time as it was 1:00 in the afternoon. I did all the embarrassing thing to my daughter that a father could get away with, like when the waitress came over to take our drink order and when Haley ordered her first beer (ok, I knew that ship had sailed) I looked surprised and said to Haley are you old enough? and then looked at the waitress and said that you had better check her I.D. Haley’s birthday is on October 31st and since it was 21 years later on October 31st Of course I knew she was legal I was just trying to give her a bad time. I have always told my daughters that on their 21st birthday I want to take them out for dinner and buy them their first drink. Well, getting back to my night out having dinner by myself I noticed that the young couple were still arguing in the back. I was almost done with my meal when I noticed that the young man stood up shoved his beer off of the table and stormed off leaving the young girl at the table who was crying at this time. When my waitress came over to my table with my check, I asked her to add another drink for myself and take whatever that young girl was drinking to her and add it to my bill. I saw the waitress give the order to the bartender and watch her deliver it to the young girl who it appeared asked the waitress who had purchased this for her and noticed the waitress point me out and then the waitress brought my drink over to me along with my bill. As I was sitting there enjoying my first few sips of my crown and coke, I notice the young girl hop off of her bar stool and was walking in my direction, she stopped at my table and said Thank-you for the drink to which I nervously said she was very welcome she asked if she could join me and of course I said yes. This girl was extremely beautiful, as I often do with beautiful girls, I fell instantly in love with her. When I go out in public, I have always dressed up Suit, tie the whole nine yards. Now I’m thinking to myself what this girl is thinking, is she thinking how pathic I look all dressed up and having dinner by myself. She introduced herself to me as Jess and said that she had drove over to meet up with her boyfriend and they were going to have dinner together then follow each other back to St. Cloud but he got mad at her and had stormed off, I asked her if she was hungry, I could order her something quick for them to make but she refused my offer saying that she had snacked on the chips and salsa that they put out on the tables and that was enough for her. We must have sat there for another hour or two and we both had another drink. I said I must be going as it was getting to be around 9;00pm and I had a few things to do in the morning. At this she asked how far away I lived, to which I replied that I lived only a few miles away, she asked if she could follow me to my place as she didn’t want to drive back to St. Cloud yet as her boyfriend might still be around and she knew that he had to work early in the morning and if she waited another hour or two before she drove home, she knew he would be home in bed and besides she was enjoying talking to me. Of course, I said that would be great so we both got into our cars, and she followed me to my home. Once we got to the house, I gave her a short tour of my home which didn’t take long as my home is small, I made us another drink and we sat at the dining room table and talked. This whole time during the night during our conversation she never mentioned my wheelchair or how or why I was in it, I think I made a dumb joke as I usually do as a way to explain it and I remember her saying it doesn’t matter to her, she doesn’t see the wheelchair only a nice guy who she enjoys talking too. So, around 11:00pm she said that she was ready to drive home I asked her if she was ok to drive and she said that she was, I offered my spare room if she didn’t want to drive but she declined my offer saying she needed to get home. I walked her out to her car we went out the garage way so I could go down my ramp as I sat in my chair in the garage a few feet away from her car, she leaned down and gave me a small hug and a kiss on the cheek and thank me for everything she even asked me for my phone number which I gave to her thinking she was only trying to be polite as I knew she would never call me. I watched her get into her car and back out of my driveway and drive away. As her taillights disappeared into the night, I turned my chair around and went up my ramp at the top I reached out and hit the button to close the garage door and went inside the house. I literally had to pinch myself to see if I was still awake and not dreaming. Jess was very pretty not just pretty but extremely beautiful, I had a hard time believing that this night actually happened. I was telling myself in my head that this was a great night but don’t get carried away you probably will never see or hear from her again.

I have a major character flaw. I don’t because of my disability look for a relationship or love because I feel it’s just too much for another person to deal with and it would be unfair of me to ask but when it does happen, I fall hard. I love so completely, so totally that when it goes away or for some reason doesn’t work out the heart ache or feeling of such emptiness is so real that it takes me forever to get over.

So here I am now two weeks shy of nine years, up to this point we have been seeing each other every month about two or three times a month sometimes more but the last few months she hasn’t been around much. I knew she was busy so didn’t give it much thought. I knew that because of the age difference and other factors that she would move on eventually so when she called me last month and told me that she had met someone I was not too surprised as I knew it would happen at some point, I was just glad that I had nine years with this amazing girl. We had kept our relationship a secret as my daughters did not approve and we very seldom went out in public as we were both conscience of our age difference and we just didn’t want to make an issue for ourselves. What we enjoyed doing was ordering in and having it delivered and eating a nice quiet meal at home and/or just lying in bed holding each other watching movies, she often spent the night here going home in the morning or the end of the weekend as she had classes every weekday morning. She was a student at Saint Cloud Tech and worked some afternoons at the VA Hospital in St. Cloud.

Here is what I don’t get, I knew someday it would end so no big surprise, I tried my best not to get too wrapped up in this, however since her phone call I cannot stop thinking of her. I have over the years fallen in love with her. I told myself not to do it, but it happened. Of course, I am going to bow out gracefully as I cannot be what she wants or needs. I have deleted all of her contact information because I am well aware that I do not have the discipline not to contact her and the last thing she needs is for me trying to get in touch with her. I never expected to have these feelings, I have this feeling of such incredible loss, I have so much love for this girl. This is going to be one of the hardest things I ever have to do but I will, someday a few years from now get over what we had. In movies I have seen or even in real life, there’s always a question you have to ask yourself, “How do you know?” and oddly the answer is, you just know. I wish her the best as I want nothing but good things for her. I have never had a love like hers. I can honestly say I have never felt so loved by anyone. This is going to hurt for a long time. “I don’t want to let go”… but I will!

#45

If we are stupid enough to repeat the mistakes of the past, we deserve what we get!!!! ( Iowa do me proud and send a strong message to the nation!! )

Lets be honest here, Trump rules by intimidation, he hates women, the disabled, and anyone that disagrees with him, and wants to bring to the presidency a total dictatorship. To take right away from women, to make fun of the disabled is a total disgrace to the office of the President of the United States. Do we really want that? In 2016 everybody was disgruntled with the government and politicians and wanted something else I get that so when Trump ran people like the fact that he wasn’t a politician but a businessman. So, when he won, he set his family up as his closest advisors and some of his friends on his cabinet with the open seats to politicians with the experience of the office. I have a theory, in 2016 we had a Republican House and a Republican Senate so when he ran it just made sense to put a Republican as President, where the wheels fell off the bus is when the mid-term election was held and the Republicans lost control of the House. Now Trump didn’t have free reign. he was kept in check by the democratic House.

I have not seen this myself, but I have read that when Trump was campaigning in Iowa he had made a comment in regard to the school shooting in Perry, Iowa to the parents of the slain 6 grader “to get over it”. Are you fucking kidding me!! This dumb fucker should never be allowed in the state of Iowa

I hate Joe Biden he has been terrible but let’s not elect this stupid fucker ever again. We need a Republican to come out of all this bullshit we have endured the last 8 years and stand for something we can all get behind.